Some unpleasant, troublesome, events have been occurring in Snapsville -- Hiram has been receiving hate mail, urging him to drop out of the Presidential race, and also containing threats of both bodily harm to his family and property damage to his restaurant.
Worse, just before midnight Tuesday, Jimmy Adair, a local patrolman, surprised and apprehended a burglar inside the Hope Cafe. The intruder was in the process of pouring kerosene or some similar accelerant onto the floors and table tops. The Snapsville policeman caught and cuffed the trespasser before he could ignite the smelly liquid.
The prisoner remains unidentified and is stashed in the city jail. The Police Chief is concerned for this inmate's safety as Hiram is quite popular with the regular prisoners. The Hope Cafe sends leftover food to the jail, including remnants of Rainy Days and Mondays Banana Pudding. The jail regulars gorge on this food and resent any disruption. They may feel obligated to be a little rough with the new inmate.
Although Hiram is concerned about the 'hate mail', he is furious about the damage to the cafe. The necessity to close for several days while cleaning, deodorizing, decontaminating and conferring with the insurance company has him irate. And, he is not fond of insurance companies.
Hiram has presented only one previous claim, a small accidental grease fire, that occurred in 2003. The repairs consisted of professional cleaning and painting. The insurance carrier reluctantly paid $6,700, but then cancelled Hiram's policy. The Company is quite prominent:
Carrier -- The Nuclear Glow Insurance Company
Slogan -- You and your good neighbors melt in our good hands
Hiram's local agent had difficulty finding a replacement policy, but eventually found one with a 'surplus lines' company, headquartered deep within the Bermuda Triangle:
Carrier -- The Great Harpoon Insurance Company
Slogan -- Sooner or later you will get the point
Tomorrow, Hiram meets with the adjuster from Great Harpoon.
In recent years this Company's policies have been criticized for not making sense. For being too complicated and for being written in non-comprehensible legalese. Most competing carriers have changed to an 'easy read' format. Take a look at your own Homeowners policy. They are now easier to read.
Last year Great Harpoon decided to upstage the industry by printing their own newer policies in a comic book mode. Yes, 43 pages of illustrated color graphics with separate drawings for each covered peril, each exclusion, each condition. Also, the carrier uses a full page for this important warning:
CAVEAT -- Great Harpoon Insurance Company is an incorporated entity and is recognized under the law of thr sea' as a legal person possessing a mind and its own emotions. Any claim submitted will be subject to:
1. Anger
2. Denial
3. Grief
4. Possible accommodation
5. Closure
Hiram's six year old nephew, Foster, considers the policy to be a 'funny book' and he reads and studies it each time he is in Hiram's home. Foster may know more about the policy than anyone at Great Harpoon,and he is sure to advise Hiram as the claim progresses.
Meanwhile, there is still a political campaign to worry about.
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1 comment:
Oh dear oh dear oh dear, Hiram, while occupied with his campaign and the day to day affairs of the Hope Cafe is now in the hands of the Harpooners? Does Hiram not have Secret Service protection to protect him and his property? What if the other Candidates have decided to quash his campaign to avoid a "spoiler" in the general election? Whose fingerprints are upon the payroll of the nefarious wrongdoer in custody?
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