On the day scheduled for an inspection of the Hope Cafe's damages, the adjuster from Great Harpoon Insurance was a no-show. Late in the day, he did call and spoke to Steve, Hiram's quirky brother. The adjuster didn't apologize, but stated that he had a more important claim to handle and would be back to Hiram within a few days. In the meantime, he would send a packet of forms.
Hiram was furious. He urgently needed to commence both the cleanup and the repairs. He had to replenish the food inventory and announce a reopening date. Also, on his hands; the political campaign and a tempermental, 8 1/2, month, pregnant spouse.
He would call Great Harpoon's Home Office and demand immediate action. Unfortunately, the only address he could find, was the wording on the cover of the Company's comic book type policy. That is, "Located deep within the Bermuda Triangle.
He had premium notices from the Happy Bank of the Cayman Islands, but this institution listed only a post office box. No telephone numbers and no URLs. In Snapsville, not even the local insurance agent had additional information. Hiram felt like the oft disrespected comedian, Rodney Dangerfield.
As part of the Surprise Party's surprise campaign training, it's candidates have been learning more about the Internet and about computers in general. For instance, Hiram had learned about a massive, search engine called 'Google' where one can look up practically anything, at no charge, and usually recieve a fast, somewhat credible, answer. Hiram decided to try it.
Since Great Harpoon is 'deep within the Bermuda Triangle', Hiram clicked in the company name, and also the word: Triangle. The screen promptly spit out numerous trigonometry links as well as a list of insurance companies that have been associated with the notorius triangle On the list, there it was: Great Harpoon.
The display gave both an '800' number, and a list of the officers and directors including:
Roth Ira -- President and CEO
Reg Ular Ira -- Vice President of Claims
401 Kaye -- Secretary
Hiram dialed and got through to Ms. 401 Kaye. She informed him that the Great Harpoon home office is located on a ship, actually a 102 foot whaler, that struggles to stay afloat (the Company and the ship).
On board, there is a crew of ten exchange students and, five bearded executives, (including Ms. 401 Kaye) who are all related.
The vessel is loaded with communications gear, blank and moldy comic book insurance policies, cash and captured pirate treasure. Of course, there is also the very big harpoon.
Other than claims, the basic functions of running the Company -- accounting, underwriting, and marketing -- are outsourced to a diverse cabal, in Gary, Indiana.
Once Ms. 401 understood that Hiram was indeed, a legitimate presidential contender --who if elected, might resume war games in the Bermuda Triangle -- she became apprehensive, and conferenced the call into the claims guru, Mr. Reg Ular Ira. Reg remarkably approved payment of Hiram's claim, in full.
"Just fax me your repair bills, invoices, and evidences of lost profits. We will pay you by return, overnight, mail. Just fax them in, er, Sir, Mr. President."
A grand reopening celebration along with a simultaneous political rally is now scheduled for August 1st. There will be music by the local bluegrass group, The Cavemen, and they will be assisted by the Stepford Spouses. Free corn dogs will be served.
Meanwhile, the criminal who tried to set fire to the Cafe has been identified. He is Leroy 'Arson' Carson, a frequently incarcerated two-bit torch.
Who might have hired Arson Carson to do harm to Hiram? That is the urgent question and the state fire marshal and the local police are actively pursuing the matter.
7/21/2007
7/05/2007
Political dirty tricks?
Some unpleasant, troublesome, events have been occurring in Snapsville -- Hiram has been receiving hate mail, urging him to drop out of the Presidential race, and also containing threats of both bodily harm to his family and property damage to his restaurant.
Worse, just before midnight Tuesday, Jimmy Adair, a local patrolman, surprised and apprehended a burglar inside the Hope Cafe. The intruder was in the process of pouring kerosene or some similar accelerant onto the floors and table tops. The Snapsville policeman caught and cuffed the trespasser before he could ignite the smelly liquid.
The prisoner remains unidentified and is stashed in the city jail. The Police Chief is concerned for this inmate's safety as Hiram is quite popular with the regular prisoners. The Hope Cafe sends leftover food to the jail, including remnants of Rainy Days and Mondays Banana Pudding. The jail regulars gorge on this food and resent any disruption. They may feel obligated to be a little rough with the new inmate.
Although Hiram is concerned about the 'hate mail', he is furious about the damage to the cafe. The necessity to close for several days while cleaning, deodorizing, decontaminating and conferring with the insurance company has him irate. And, he is not fond of insurance companies.
Hiram has presented only one previous claim, a small accidental grease fire, that occurred in 2003. The repairs consisted of professional cleaning and painting. The insurance carrier reluctantly paid $6,700, but then cancelled Hiram's policy. The Company is quite prominent:
Carrier -- The Nuclear Glow Insurance Company
Slogan -- You and your good neighbors melt in our good hands
Hiram's local agent had difficulty finding a replacement policy, but eventually found one with a 'surplus lines' company, headquartered deep within the Bermuda Triangle:
Carrier -- The Great Harpoon Insurance Company
Slogan -- Sooner or later you will get the point
Tomorrow, Hiram meets with the adjuster from Great Harpoon.
In recent years this Company's policies have been criticized for not making sense. For being too complicated and for being written in non-comprehensible legalese. Most competing carriers have changed to an 'easy read' format. Take a look at your own Homeowners policy. They are now easier to read.
Last year Great Harpoon decided to upstage the industry by printing their own newer policies in a comic book mode. Yes, 43 pages of illustrated color graphics with separate drawings for each covered peril, each exclusion, each condition. Also, the carrier uses a full page for this important warning:
CAVEAT -- Great Harpoon Insurance Company is an incorporated entity and is recognized under the law of thr sea' as a legal person possessing a mind and its own emotions. Any claim submitted will be subject to:
1. Anger
2. Denial
3. Grief
4. Possible accommodation
5. Closure
Hiram's six year old nephew, Foster, considers the policy to be a 'funny book' and he reads and studies it each time he is in Hiram's home. Foster may know more about the policy than anyone at Great Harpoon,and he is sure to advise Hiram as the claim progresses.
Meanwhile, there is still a political campaign to worry about.
_____________________________
Worse, just before midnight Tuesday, Jimmy Adair, a local patrolman, surprised and apprehended a burglar inside the Hope Cafe. The intruder was in the process of pouring kerosene or some similar accelerant onto the floors and table tops. The Snapsville policeman caught and cuffed the trespasser before he could ignite the smelly liquid.
The prisoner remains unidentified and is stashed in the city jail. The Police Chief is concerned for this inmate's safety as Hiram is quite popular with the regular prisoners. The Hope Cafe sends leftover food to the jail, including remnants of Rainy Days and Mondays Banana Pudding. The jail regulars gorge on this food and resent any disruption. They may feel obligated to be a little rough with the new inmate.
Although Hiram is concerned about the 'hate mail', he is furious about the damage to the cafe. The necessity to close for several days while cleaning, deodorizing, decontaminating and conferring with the insurance company has him irate. And, he is not fond of insurance companies.
Hiram has presented only one previous claim, a small accidental grease fire, that occurred in 2003. The repairs consisted of professional cleaning and painting. The insurance carrier reluctantly paid $6,700, but then cancelled Hiram's policy. The Company is quite prominent:
Carrier -- The Nuclear Glow Insurance Company
Slogan -- You and your good neighbors melt in our good hands
Hiram's local agent had difficulty finding a replacement policy, but eventually found one with a 'surplus lines' company, headquartered deep within the Bermuda Triangle:
Carrier -- The Great Harpoon Insurance Company
Slogan -- Sooner or later you will get the point
Tomorrow, Hiram meets with the adjuster from Great Harpoon.
In recent years this Company's policies have been criticized for not making sense. For being too complicated and for being written in non-comprehensible legalese. Most competing carriers have changed to an 'easy read' format. Take a look at your own Homeowners policy. They are now easier to read.
Last year Great Harpoon decided to upstage the industry by printing their own newer policies in a comic book mode. Yes, 43 pages of illustrated color graphics with separate drawings for each covered peril, each exclusion, each condition. Also, the carrier uses a full page for this important warning:
CAVEAT -- Great Harpoon Insurance Company is an incorporated entity and is recognized under the law of thr sea' as a legal person possessing a mind and its own emotions. Any claim submitted will be subject to:
1. Anger
2. Denial
3. Grief
4. Possible accommodation
5. Closure
Hiram's six year old nephew, Foster, considers the policy to be a 'funny book' and he reads and studies it each time he is in Hiram's home. Foster may know more about the policy than anyone at Great Harpoon,and he is sure to advise Hiram as the claim progresses.
Meanwhile, there is still a political campaign to worry about.
_____________________________
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