Meanwhile, back at the diner, Hiram had agreed, to give a class in political science to the interested parties. That would be Faith, Reverend Ross, Steve, the quirky brother, as well as Foster, the nephew. Just accidentally dropping by were Stormy, Clair Voyant, and Fern and Deana.
Hiram tapped a glass with a fork, cleared his throat and began:
"My friends, I've been asked numerous times about how serious I am in seeking the US Presidency.
"The answer is 'passionately' serious.
"Presidents are not elected according to the popular vote but by the terms and conditions of the Electoral College.
"And if, when the electoral votes are counted no candidate has a majority, the US House of Representatives chooses the President from the top three electoral vote-getters.
"So, the task before us is to hang on and in. To see that no candidate garners a majority of the electoral votes but that we are also in the top three."
___________________________________________
Back to Snapsville International:
She was about 35, and nicely dressed. Josh was unaware whether she was pretty. He was more inclined to be sick at his stomach.
He inquired, "Are you a relative of Mr Witherspoon?"
"Heavens, no. I'm just a little old CPA. My client is the Times, the New York Times.
Seeing that they get their money's worth."
"Ah-ha, now this is beginning to make sense."
She had a key to the guest-house, whereupon Josh unloaded the luggage, collected his fee and excused himself, without incident, while the old man napped.
_____________________________________
1/17/2011
1/13/2011
Snapsville International Airport
It may have been misnamed, but Snapsville does have an airport. And with a 6,000 foot runway. It is actually referred to as 'Snapsville International' and is left over from World War II, but there are no flights to or from foreign soil and never have been.
The last touch up with asphalt was 20 years ago and the runway potholes are worse than the roads in Pennsylvania. The airport is bleak. There is no hanger but only a 10' x 20' quonset hut that serves as an office and security.
Josh Rugby, former sports editor of the local paper, in his new position as a cab driver, periodically checks the airport for paying fares. On this day though he received a special request to meet a red and white Cessna at 2:00 PM, and to allow for considerable baggage. Although Josh was not late he found his customer cooling her heels at the plane.
Hi, I'm Josh. Let me help you with that luggage."
She smiled and nodded, "Witherspoon residence, please."
"Did you say um, Witherspoon? That is, Walter Witherspoon?"
How humiliating thought Josh. To be fired by Witherspoon and to be driving a cab to his home delivering luggage and the girl. Who is she, anyway---Amelia Earhart?
The last touch up with asphalt was 20 years ago and the runway potholes are worse than the roads in Pennsylvania. The airport is bleak. There is no hanger but only a 10' x 20' quonset hut that serves as an office and security.
Josh Rugby, former sports editor of the local paper, in his new position as a cab driver, periodically checks the airport for paying fares. On this day though he received a special request to meet a red and white Cessna at 2:00 PM, and to allow for considerable baggage. Although Josh was not late he found his customer cooling her heels at the plane.
Hi, I'm Josh. Let me help you with that luggage."
She smiled and nodded, "Witherspoon residence, please."
"Did you say um, Witherspoon? That is, Walter Witherspoon?"
How humiliating thought Josh. To be fired by Witherspoon and to be driving a cab to his home delivering luggage and the girl. Who is she, anyway---Amelia Earhart?
12/28/2010
A chicken in your pot
At Tuesday's breakfast meeting, Josh Rugby, the formerly proud sports editor of the Snapsville Postscipt, was first to arrive, and with some significant news.
In a, so called, cost cutting move, Josh had been asked by the newspaper's management to clean out his desk, as well as two closets and three filing cabinets that he had inherited. A hold was also placed on his faithful Apple computer and his camera. Yes, in the words of the infamous 'Donald' he was indeed, fired.
The notification had occurred this past Friday after 4:30 PM. and was not entirely unexpected.
On Saturday, he hired Fern and Deana to organize and tidy his stuff and transport it to his small apartment.
Hiram was surprised at the news but not awed. He knew eccentric 'Ole Man Witherspoon' the 95-year old owner of the Postscript. In fact, the Hope Cafe was the venue for Mr. Walter Witherspoon's 88th birthday gala.
Back then, after a heaping bowl of Stormy's Rainy Days and Mondays banana pudding, it was nap time and Snapsville's most renowned journalist slept in a booth, on the premises for an hour.
As a young cub reporter, Witherspoon, had covered the Hoover inauguration, in January, 1929. Yes, that's Herbert Clark Hoover, the 31st President.
Widely attributed to Hoover was the slogan, "A chicken in every pot and a car in every garage." This was to show an image of prosperity. Unfortunately, the image was short-lived as the stock market crashed in October, 1929.
Yet, Hiram and Josh admired Hoover. Hoover attempted to refuse his Presidential salary and wound up donating it to charity. Also, the Inauguration was based on a Bible verse from Proverbs:
Where there is no vision, the people perish; but he that keepeth the law,
happy is he.
What about Josh? For now, he would drive a cab.
In a, so called, cost cutting move, Josh had been asked by the newspaper's management to clean out his desk, as well as two closets and three filing cabinets that he had inherited. A hold was also placed on his faithful Apple computer and his camera. Yes, in the words of the infamous 'Donald' he was indeed, fired.
The notification had occurred this past Friday after 4:30 PM. and was not entirely unexpected.
On Saturday, he hired Fern and Deana to organize and tidy his stuff and transport it to his small apartment.
Hiram was surprised at the news but not awed. He knew eccentric 'Ole Man Witherspoon' the 95-year old owner of the Postscript. In fact, the Hope Cafe was the venue for Mr. Walter Witherspoon's 88th birthday gala.
Back then, after a heaping bowl of Stormy's Rainy Days and Mondays banana pudding, it was nap time and Snapsville's most renowned journalist slept in a booth, on the premises for an hour.
As a young cub reporter, Witherspoon, had covered the Hoover inauguration, in January, 1929. Yes, that's Herbert Clark Hoover, the 31st President.
Widely attributed to Hoover was the slogan, "A chicken in every pot and a car in every garage." This was to show an image of prosperity. Unfortunately, the image was short-lived as the stock market crashed in October, 1929.
Yet, Hiram and Josh admired Hoover. Hoover attempted to refuse his Presidential salary and wound up donating it to charity. Also, the Inauguration was based on a Bible verse from Proverbs:
Where there is no vision, the people perish; but he that keepeth the law,
happy is he.
What about Josh? For now, he would drive a cab.
12/17/2010
Tidying up the loose ends
"Transparent" is not a word that Hiram uses very much. Yet, the candidate is aware of the expanding definition---especially as it relates to political matters.
For instance, members of Congress are likely to keep their peers, the public, and the media, in the dark, when they introduce legislation. Likewise, a president seldom reveals the details of treaties that have to be ratified.
These are examples of the absence of 'transparency'. And what about this procedure called earmarks? A Dutch painter, Mr. Van Gogh, had a very realistic earmark.
Hiram is feeling a bit guilty for not being absolutely candid about this information.
"Back when we had the fire at the diner and Officer Jimmy Adair caught Leroy 'Arson' Carson, red handed, the question that remained was, who paid Carson?
"Now, we know. It was my quirky brother Steve's first wife. Lilly is her name and she is doing time."
Hiram was near tears.
"Also, the plan we had to buy the newspaper, the Snapsville Postscript, has fallen through. The new owner appears to be the New York Times.
"How's that for transparency?"
_________________________________
For instance, members of Congress are likely to keep their peers, the public, and the media, in the dark, when they introduce legislation. Likewise, a president seldom reveals the details of treaties that have to be ratified.
These are examples of the absence of 'transparency'. And what about this procedure called earmarks? A Dutch painter, Mr. Van Gogh, had a very realistic earmark.
Hiram is feeling a bit guilty for not being absolutely candid about this information.
"Back when we had the fire at the diner and Officer Jimmy Adair caught Leroy 'Arson' Carson, red handed, the question that remained was, who paid Carson?
"Now, we know. It was my quirky brother Steve's first wife. Lilly is her name and she is doing time."
Hiram was near tears.
"Also, the plan we had to buy the newspaper, the Snapsville Postscript, has fallen through. The new owner appears to be the New York Times.
"How's that for transparency?"
_________________________________
12/09/2010
Welcome to Volume Two
Welcome to Volume Two in the saga of Hiram J Hope and his quest for the US presidency. I have become somewhat lackadaisical in reporting this matter, but will attempt to communicate on a weekly basis commencing Saturday, December 18th.
From all the gang: Hiram, Stormy, Herkimer, Steve, Faith, Foster, Josh, Reverend Ross, Bambi, Sinbad, John Shumaker, Fern and Deana, here's wishing you a very MERRY CHRISTMAS.
From all the gang: Hiram, Stormy, Herkimer, Steve, Faith, Foster, Josh, Reverend Ross, Bambi, Sinbad, John Shumaker, Fern and Deana, here's wishing you a very MERRY CHRISTMAS.
12/29/2009
Shopping at Victor's Secret
The topic of conversation at our 7:00 AM breakfast was Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, who I'll refer to as 'Umar', for obvious reasons. This was the guy, who planned destruction to Northwest Flight 253, headed for Detroit on last Christmas Day.
Attending at breakfast were Hiram and his quirky brother, Steve. Also Faith, Josh and me, and Steve's lady-friend, Clair Voyant, who fancied herself a sorceress (she drank her coffee from a sorcer).
We were short on details; however there was a consensus that Umar accidentally set himself on fire.
Then, Clair took over. "Umar was wearing an undergarment with sewed in pockets -- to hide the chemicals. You can get this underwear on special order at Victor's Secret. Umar was impatient attemting to ignite a fuse. Despite his dasterly deed, he'll probably recover."
Steve added, "I'm not so sure that all the terrorists want to be successful. They bumble, stumble, tumble and fumble all over the place---enough to scare the daylights out of people. Richard Reid, the shoe bomber, failed also. Now, this recent incident could be a diversion to get the media's attention away from the subject of say, Health Care."
Quirky Steve had a nose for smelling out conspiracy theories.
____________________________
Attending at breakfast were Hiram and his quirky brother, Steve. Also Faith, Josh and me, and Steve's lady-friend, Clair Voyant, who fancied herself a sorceress (she drank her coffee from a sorcer).
We were short on details; however there was a consensus that Umar accidentally set himself on fire.
Then, Clair took over. "Umar was wearing an undergarment with sewed in pockets -- to hide the chemicals. You can get this underwear on special order at Victor's Secret. Umar was impatient attemting to ignite a fuse. Despite his dasterly deed, he'll probably recover."
Steve added, "I'm not so sure that all the terrorists want to be successful. They bumble, stumble, tumble and fumble all over the place---enough to scare the daylights out of people. Richard Reid, the shoe bomber, failed also. Now, this recent incident could be a diversion to get the media's attention away from the subject of say, Health Care."
Quirky Steve had a nose for smelling out conspiracy theories.
____________________________
5/29/2009
DON'T FENCE HIRAM IN
"I have opinions of my own...strong opinions...but I don't always agree with them."
George H. W. Bush
"I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to the facts."
Mark Twain
Hiram was excited. Josh Rugby had leaked, prematurely, that the Snapsville Postscript was for sale. For a song, too! Hiram literally burst into a unique rendition of High Hopes.
If the truth were known, the newspaper, like so many others, was a step away from bankruptcy. The 3,000 circulation weekly had commenced publishing a primitive 'On Line' edition, three years ago, but it was still struggling.
Hiram envisioned himself the publisher, with Josh Rugby, editor and Stormy, Hiram's spouse, doing features and a column.
As to money and financial wherewithal, he would model after the cheeseheads, yes, the Green Bay Packers. He would sell stock and bonds to and among the Snapsville community.
Never mind, that Hiram has a restaurant to run or a political party to placate.
He wants to pontificate as a publisher.
"Oops, there goes another rubber tree plant."
__________
George H. W. Bush
"I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to the facts."
Mark Twain
Hiram was excited. Josh Rugby had leaked, prematurely, that the Snapsville Postscript was for sale. For a song, too! Hiram literally burst into a unique rendition of High Hopes.
If the truth were known, the newspaper, like so many others, was a step away from bankruptcy. The 3,000 circulation weekly had commenced publishing a primitive 'On Line' edition, three years ago, but it was still struggling.
Hiram envisioned himself the publisher, with Josh Rugby, editor and Stormy, Hiram's spouse, doing features and a column.
As to money and financial wherewithal, he would model after the cheeseheads, yes, the Green Bay Packers. He would sell stock and bonds to and among the Snapsville community.
Never mind, that Hiram has a restaurant to run or a political party to placate.
He wants to pontificate as a publisher.
"Oops, there goes another rubber tree plant."
__________
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