4/22/2007

...a time to mourn...A time to be born...

We were stunned and shocked by the horrendous tragedy at VPI, and our flags have been at half mast. In addition, now we have the fallen Blue Angel. Therefore, we will continue our period of mourning through Wednesday, April 25th. Campaign activities will be rescheduled.

Hiram and Stormy, who are expecting their first child in August, do wish to underscore at least one major item of good news: The US Supreme Court has struck down the 'partial birth abortion' procedure and it appears that third trimester slaughters will be greatly reduced. At least some good has resulted from the Bush presidency---his selection of judges.


HIRAM HOPE FOR PRESIDENT COMMITTEE
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4/11/2007

The Winning Campaign Song

Although the campaign song contest deadline was April 1st, Hiram waited another ten days, just in case, lethargic snail mail might be in route. Steve, the quirky brother, and I, were underwelmed by the entry response. Both the quantity and quality.

Nevertheless, a pretty good entry did come from 80-year-old Matilda Elmore. She is a resident of an assisted living facility near Missoula, Montana. Actually, we have declared Matilda to be our first place winner. At the bottom of this post you will see her complete lyrics which are to be sung to the tune of the old standard: Ja-da, Ja-da.

We do have logistical problems with regard to awarding her prize. How are we going to get weekly, heaping bowls of---Rainy Days and Mondays Banana Pudding---to Missoula, in edible condition?

Steve spoke up: "I've got it. At my cooking school, we've learned how to 'can' just about any substance. I'm sure I can 'can' banana pudding. We'll just dance the can 'can', put the stuff in Mason jars and ship her a years supply. If it's a hit, maybe Wal-Mart will pick it up."

The song will be introduced at next Monday's lunch. Years ago Hiram's wife, Stormy, won the talent portion of the Miss Kentucky contest, by impersonating Barbra Streisand and her version of Second Hand Rose.

Since Stormy can still belt 'em out, she will sing 'Hiram, He's the Man' accompanied by Foster, her ukulele strumming nephew. Next, a barber shop quartet will go at it and we'll add a Dixieland band. Then, we'll give out the song sheets for the sing-along.

The goal: Everybody leaves happy -- whistling or humming the campaign song.

Here are the words to: Hiram, He's the Man.

Hiram, Hiram
He's the man for President.
Vote for, Hiram
The next White House resident.
He'll lower taxes; oil prices too.
Protect this country; that's me and you.

Vote for, Hiram
He's the man for President.

Second bridge:

He has courage and is moral for sure.
Believes in defense and a homeland secure.

MORE SOON

4/02/2007

"Not Greedy of Filthy Lucre" I Tim 3.8

On the Sunday prior to Easter, Hiram insisted to Stormy that they were overdue for a blessing and insisted that they attend services. The campaign has been going well and Stormy's pregnancy has, thus far, been uncomplicated.

There will be adjustments ahead including choosing someone to run Hope's kitchen during the coming months. As a potential solution, Hiram has convinced Steve, his quirky brother, to take over in the galley and to prepare himself by enrolling in a culinary class at Snaps Community College. Steve has registered. It is anybody's guess whether he will complete the 8 week course.

Reverend Ross chose as his sermon topic the 'love of money' being the 'root of all evil'. Hiram, at first, misunderstood the preacher's accent and thought he was railing against, 'filthy liquor' rather than 'filthy lucre'. Hiram's waitress, Faith, would certainly agree with the 'filthy' part as she always wipes down the Hope Cafe's currency with a sponge saturated with turpentine. It kills bacteria but Hiram's deposits always have an aroma.

The preacher's conclusion: It's okay to have a platonic relationship with money, just don't adore the stuff. By the way, the Surprise Party puts little emphasis on money. Party chairman, John Shumaker, is coming in for a Wednesday rally and will be going over a variety of Surprise strategies including how to run a campaign SANS the dollars.

Reverend Ross' choice of sermon topic was both timely and coincidental. The national media have been in a frenzy awaiting 1st quarter financial reports from the major presidential candidates. How many millions have they each collected?

The media presumes that the amount collected relates to and predicts the number of votes to be cast. Yet, even the word 'collected' is suspect. These politicians actually report pledges, not actual collections. Thus, a portion of the money promised never, ever, arrives and the figures being reported are skewed.

Hillary has been the first to report, and as she includes some old money (which spends quite well), she is sitting on a cool 35 million. Edwards is expected to come in at about 16 million and Obama is somewhere between the two, but nearer Hillary.

Senator McCain is falling a bit short. Candidates who don't realize their goals, or who are expecting 'filthy lucre' that never comes, may soon be reaching for 'filthy liquor'.

After soaking up the TV news, as she worked Monday, Faith became concerned that Hiram had neglected to file a financial report. Not knowing how to contact the Federal Election Commission, she opted to call CNN:

FAITH: Is this Cable News? May I speak with either Anderson or Wolf?

CNN: Mr. Cooper and Mr. Blitzer are at the Big Dance finals. Is there a message?

FAITH: Oooh! I didn't realize they were dance partners. Who leads? -- Never mind. -- I just need to speak to someone who handles breaking news.

CNN: Hang on for our intern, FiFi.

FAITH: Hi, FiFi. I'm Faith, the finance chairman for Hiram Hope.

FIFI: Hopa. You are Hopa?

FAITH: Mr. Hopa -- er that's Hope is running for president. I want to give you his financial report for the 1st quarter. Just listen, please, and write this down. I put an empty dill pickle jar next to our cash register. It is labelled: Hiram's Pretty Petty Cash. So far, our customers have dropped in $377.00. I just want to get that report in so that we are legal.

FIFI: Miss Hopa coulda you calla back?---I, don'a know dilla pickle.---I speaka no English.

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